yoga {off} the mat

i haven't been to the actual yoga studio in - oh - a month.  i am trying to adjust to the kids being back in school, and now, to all of their extra-curricular activities.  it's so hard for a working mom (or maybe just me).  gymnastics is on monday (thankfully, my husband handles that one), soccer is on tuesday and thursday, dance is on wednesday, and soccer games are on saturday.  add to that working full-time and taking care of the house and nurturing relationships.

but, i know it's also important to take care of me.  i am working on that.

the past few weeks i have had to go to the dentist several times.  i have major anxiety.  perhaps more on that later (yea, you say).

the worst part of the experience (aside from the need to cough (summer cold) and not being able to), was when i had to lay (i had to pay a visit to grammar girl and i still don't know if that is correct) back with my head lower than my heart.  i absolutely HATED it.  i started to feel panicky, but then i thought i would try to do my 'yoga breaths' as i call them.  since i couldn't really breathe through my mouth anyway, due to the sucky-thing and the tools.

nice pic

when i first started to feel my heart race and that cold feeling run through my veins (i can't really explain it), i really thought i would have to tell (okay, mumble) for the dentist to stop and sit me up for a few minutes.  but then i really did try to just focus on my breath.  and you know what?  it worked!

although i haven't 'flowed' in a while, i am constantly trying to practice being more aware of every situation i am in, and apply what i've learned.

until later,
-j

making {strides}

i just finished practicing a mini flow session.  it's after midnight.  and i'm at the beach.  

i am a new person.

the old me would use a vacation as an excuse to put whatever current stride i was in on hold.  i would eat a candy bar on the way to wherever i was going just because i could and had always done it, among other things.

this time, we bought healthy groceries, we've planned most of our meals, and we are going to MOVE.  

the beach is amazing.  and it will be amazing on our walks and bike ride.  and in the meantime, we will make amazing memories.

this is the new me, and i am looking forward to my future.

-until later, 
j

{I'M} Back!

i had been away from the yoga studio since february.  i know, i know.  it's hard for me to believe, especially as i read through my old posts about how much i love yoga.  i don't know why it took me so long to get back into the studio. 

i do believe some of it was ego.

over the past 4 months since i've practiced in the studio, i have continued (well, stopped, started, stopped, started) my journey. 

i really started again - for the final time - on 06.11.12.  over those 4 months that i was absent, i had gained back 8 pounds.  i did not feel good.  it's because i didn't practice yoga nor track what i ate.  i know it is, and i knew i would gain if i didn't.  i need to figure out why i let myself do that.  again.

since june 11th:
- - - i have decided to move at least 30 minutes 5 times a week
- - - i have decided to log what i eat
- - - i have fallen in love with green smoothies
- - - i have a husband and children who are with me during my journey (the kids love the smoothies!  and want to exercise!  my husband and i joined a gym and go together)
- - - i have introduced my mom to the yoga studio (it's amazing to share my experience with her)
- - - i have lost 8.2 (i have to count the .2!) pounds
- - - i feel stronger - both physically and mentally
- - - i have found ME again

I AM BACK.

nothing compares to how i feel after a yoga class.  now that mom practices, she can understand, but i don't think you can truly understand unless you try it. :)

i still have my moments - we all do.  i try to fight back the tears and anger i feel when i can't get into a pose because of my fat (yep, i know) or when i see myself in the mirror at the gym.  i am angry because i let myself get this way.  i am angry because i KNOW i could do it, if i weren't so overweight.  but, i'm THERE.  i'm working on it.  i'm working on ME.  i remember my strength.  and i remember that i'm a work in progress.

I AM BACK.  and i'm loving it.

until next time,
-j

(both photos from pinterest)

i {miss} be yoga

this title makes me think of the poem from the movie 'my girl:'

i like ice cream

a whole lot

it tastes great

when days are hot

on a cone

or in a dish

this would be

my only wish

vanilla chocolate

rocky road

even with pie

a la mode

i don't know if those are the correct words, but that's how i remember them. 

mmm....ice cream!!! 

speaking of ice cream, meet my new favorite flavor - jimmy fallon's late night snack!  and yes, those are real potato chips (I KNOW!!):

i haven't been to the yoga studio in (GASP) 10 days.  i need to get out of the feeling-guilty-about-not-being-with-my-kids-and-having-someone-else-pick-them-up-and-needing-to-do-laundry-etc. thing and go ahead and sign up for another month (and another, and another).  home practices don't cut it for me.  there is nothing that compares to the feeling of practicing in my yoga studio (be yoga, i heart you).

since the end of the 40-day, i have a taken a little break from logging everything i eat, and i've even had (GASP again) ICE CREAM.  real, fattening ice cream.  i also ran a mile and a half.  again, just a start. ;)  as of today, i'm down 20 pounds since i started the 40-day. 

even though i've lost weight, i don't feel as grounded nor as at peace.

i miss be yoga

a whole lot

i really love it

especially hot

in the zone

feeling all zen

breathing out

and breathing in

i will sign up

and i will go

to the be yoga

studio

i also composed a rap in sixth grade, but i will spare you.

-until later,
jeri

the end is only the {beginning}

i made it!  

today is day 40.  i never realized just how much yoga would change and affect me.

-physically, i lost 19 pounds (ahem, really 18.8, but may i count the .2?).  i see and feel muscles that i haven't been able to in - seriously - over 10 years.  but really? it goes much deeper than that....

-i am strong.  i have much much more weight to lose, but MY body, the size that it is, the weight that i still carry, MADE IT.  i MADE it.  my body may be imperfect, but i am strong.  and both my body and my mind made it through this challenge.  i can hold poses that i never thought i could, and was FAR from holding, just 40 days ago.  neither my body nor my mind failed me.

(this has been on my bathroom mirror for the past 40 days)

-i am learning to 'just breathe.' i try to take each moment as it happens and just. breathe.

-i eat mindfully.  i've worked very hard these past 40 days, and i don't want to get back to where i started.  i will NEVER be back to that weight, or how i felt emotionally, again.  i am not strict in that i won't eat 'bad' food, but i am mindful about it.  i still log everything at www.myfitnesspal.com.  

-i am still thirsty.  my google reader is full of positive, motivating blogs.  i signed up for a 2-yr. subscription to 'yoga journal.'  i want to constantly improve - spiritually, physically, emotionally and financially.

-i am more confident in that perhaps people aren't judging me as much as i thought they were.  i am more than just an overweight, quiet girl. :)  i have a lot to offer.  i put myself out there, opening up to people, by just going to the yoga studio... and i have met some extremely amazing people.

my first goal is at it's end.  and i met it.  i practiced yoga for 40 days.  in a row.  but, this is not the end.  this is the beginning.

i am jeri.  

i am strong.  

i am open.  

i am thirsty.  

i am constantly improving.  

i am - on my way - to happy.

(after my last hot class on day 40)

-until next time,

jeri

be {still}

being still is so very hard for me.  i am always doing SOMETHING.  my leg is constantly bobbing up and down, i fold clothes while i watch tv, i'm thinking of the next thing on my to-do list when i'm trying to focus on what i'm currently doing.... sometimes i even do all of THAT at once. ;)

really, the only time i'm 'still-ish' is when i'm at church or in a movie theatre.  it's rude to be on my phone in church, and it's against the rules in the theatre ;)

my mind consists of one big checklist, and i'm looking forward to the next 'thing'.

i know that's wrong.  i KNOW that.  yoga is making me face what i already know about myself:

i need to learn to be still.  to be present.  to just breathe.

as they say, i need to 'stop and smell the roses'. 

every year, my husband and i make a birthday video for our daughters.  it's kind of their 'year in review.'

when our youngest had her 1st birthday, we included this song:

one of my favorite lines is: 'saw a flower growin' in the middle of the sidewalk, pushin' up through the concrete, like it was planted right there for me to see.'

there is so much beauty in this world.  i need to remember to be PRESENT.

i need to BE STILL.  i need to breathe in whatever moment i find myself.

unfortunately, i can't make it to the yoga studio every day.  i really wish i could!  last night, i was practicing at home.  i rolled out my mat, lit a candle, turned off the lights, cracked my window (i love the smell of winter) and turned on my yoga playlist.

i was laying in 'corpse pose' when the below song came on.  

i've been struggling a little in that the 40-day is almost up (today is day 37).  yoga will be a part of my life forever, but it's a little hard for me not knowing what my schedule will be, etc..  

i am very proud of how far i've come since this challenge began (will write more on that later), but i'm finding it difficult to look at how far i've come and not how far i have to go.

*see?  i'm going on a tangent... i'm not being 'still' in my original thoughts... ;)

ANYway, i was in 'corpse pose', and i felt the wind blow in my room.  i know it was a windy night, but i really felt like it was God.  reminding me i'm not alone.  that i have help.  that i CAN do this.

-until next time,

j

...i was {running}

i ran a mile tonight.  i know, not a big deal to most people, but i haven't run a consecutive mile in over 16 years.  and when i say 'run', i really mean a slow (as in a 17 min. mile) jog.

but you know what?

(photo from pinterest)

my goal tonight was to just RUN.  to just KEEP AT IT.  and i did.  

today is also day 24 of 40 in my yoga challenge.  i truly believe yoga helped me finish my mile.  i paced myself, i breathed calmly (or tried to - haha), i pushed myself, and just like when i'm holding crow, i knew the mile wouldn't last forever.  yoga has helped me get stronger mentally and physically.

i feel so much better after having MOVED for the past 24 days.  i love that my girls ask WHEN i'm going to yoga (or walking/jogging on the treadmill).  they expect me to MOVE.  i am happy that i am becoming a healthier role-model for them.

(photo from pinterest)

until next time,

-j