the end is only the {beginning}

i made it!  

today is day 40.  i never realized just how much yoga would change and affect me.

-physically, i lost 19 pounds (ahem, really 18.8, but may i count the .2?).  i see and feel muscles that i haven't been able to in - seriously - over 10 years.  but really? it goes much deeper than that....

-i am strong.  i have much much more weight to lose, but MY body, the size that it is, the weight that i still carry, MADE IT.  i MADE it.  my body may be imperfect, but i am strong.  and both my body and my mind made it through this challenge.  i can hold poses that i never thought i could, and was FAR from holding, just 40 days ago.  neither my body nor my mind failed me.

(this has been on my bathroom mirror for the past 40 days)

-i am learning to 'just breathe.' i try to take each moment as it happens and just. breathe.

-i eat mindfully.  i've worked very hard these past 40 days, and i don't want to get back to where i started.  i will NEVER be back to that weight, or how i felt emotionally, again.  i am not strict in that i won't eat 'bad' food, but i am mindful about it.  i still log everything at www.myfitnesspal.com.  

-i am still thirsty.  my google reader is full of positive, motivating blogs.  i signed up for a 2-yr. subscription to 'yoga journal.'  i want to constantly improve - spiritually, physically, emotionally and financially.

-i am more confident in that perhaps people aren't judging me as much as i thought they were.  i am more than just an overweight, quiet girl. :)  i have a lot to offer.  i put myself out there, opening up to people, by just going to the yoga studio... and i have met some extremely amazing people.

my first goal is at it's end.  and i met it.  i practiced yoga for 40 days.  in a row.  but, this is not the end.  this is the beginning.

i am jeri.  

i am strong.  

i am open.  

i am thirsty.  

i am constantly improving.  

i am - on my way - to happy.

(after my last hot class on day 40)

-until next time,

jeri

be {still}

being still is so very hard for me.  i am always doing SOMETHING.  my leg is constantly bobbing up and down, i fold clothes while i watch tv, i'm thinking of the next thing on my to-do list when i'm trying to focus on what i'm currently doing.... sometimes i even do all of THAT at once. ;)

really, the only time i'm 'still-ish' is when i'm at church or in a movie theatre.  it's rude to be on my phone in church, and it's against the rules in the theatre ;)

my mind consists of one big checklist, and i'm looking forward to the next 'thing'.

i know that's wrong.  i KNOW that.  yoga is making me face what i already know about myself:

i need to learn to be still.  to be present.  to just breathe.

as they say, i need to 'stop and smell the roses'. 

every year, my husband and i make a birthday video for our daughters.  it's kind of their 'year in review.'

when our youngest had her 1st birthday, we included this song:

one of my favorite lines is: 'saw a flower growin' in the middle of the sidewalk, pushin' up through the concrete, like it was planted right there for me to see.'

there is so much beauty in this world.  i need to remember to be PRESENT.

i need to BE STILL.  i need to breathe in whatever moment i find myself.

unfortunately, i can't make it to the yoga studio every day.  i really wish i could!  last night, i was practicing at home.  i rolled out my mat, lit a candle, turned off the lights, cracked my window (i love the smell of winter) and turned on my yoga playlist.

i was laying in 'corpse pose' when the below song came on.  

i've been struggling a little in that the 40-day is almost up (today is day 37).  yoga will be a part of my life forever, but it's a little hard for me not knowing what my schedule will be, etc..  

i am very proud of how far i've come since this challenge began (will write more on that later), but i'm finding it difficult to look at how far i've come and not how far i have to go.

*see?  i'm going on a tangent... i'm not being 'still' in my original thoughts... ;)

ANYway, i was in 'corpse pose', and i felt the wind blow in my room.  i know it was a windy night, but i really felt like it was God.  reminding me i'm not alone.  that i have help.  that i CAN do this.

-until next time,

j