the time is NOW...

this blog is going to be very open and honest.  i hope that it will help others open up if they need to.  we can all help each other.  'no man is an island.'  


i ran across the below (in italics) in my 'drafts' folder in my email account.  it is dated 01.20.10.  yes, almost two years ago...


things that my body hinders me from (or makes hard for me to do):
-being happy
-sitting comfortably (car, work, theatre, planes, etc.)
-crossing my legs
-looking nice
-painting my toe nails
-tying my shoes
-finding clothes that fit (funny how i can't find clothes to work out in, either!)
-LIVING


the time to change is NOW.  i am tired of it.  i'm tired of excuses, and i'm tired of the 'i'll start on monday', 'i'll start on the 1st', 'i'll start on the 1st.  of january'.  although much more has changed in my life in the past almost-three years (perhaps i'll go into it all sometime), i HAVE to change.  NOW.


although i ran across the above in my drafts folder, i actually made this declaration in december.  i had decided that 2012 will be MY year.  much has gone on in my life over the past few years (as in everyone's, i know) that has affected my weight.  i know now that IT didn't affect my weight; eating is how i chose to deal with it.  it was MY choices that made me get to where i am.


regarding my food - my husband, brother, sister-in-law and i are tracking our food and exercise on the   myfitnesspal app.  i started on 01.03.12 7.6 pounds more than i am now.  i have been mindful of every bite i put in my mouth.  if i bite it, i write (or type ;)) it.  


as far as exercise and MOVING - i have a friend who started a blog about her journey with yoga.  she happened to write her first post on a night where i was completely down.  it was just what i needed!  because of her blog, i joined her at the yoga studio on december 20th, and i ended up loving it and signing up for a 40 day yoga challenge.  i have practiced yoga for 10 days in a row now (the challenge began on january 8th).


yoga has been my life-saver.  i know that sounds cheesy and all, being that i am so new to it.  because of how i chose to deal with all that i have been dealt in life, i'm very overweight, have the self-esteem of an ant (or perhaps a speck of dust), and have really had to lean into my Faith.  


my goal for this year is HEALTH.  that is all-encompassing to me.  i want to become healthy emotionally (learning how to live life without harming myself (eating more, etc.), physically (obvious - i need to lose a lot of weight and gain strength), financially (i need to get out of debt), and spiritually (i need to continue to grow as a Christian).  i want to be a better wife and a role-model for my children.


yoga is my outlet to do all of the above.  well, aside from the debt part ;)  it is very calming, i don't feel judged by how i look, we are all in it together, and i feel it's something i can do for the rest of my life.


okay, that's all for now.  be warned... i am a much better writer than speaker ;)


have a good one,
-j